Plug-in. Start. Play.

Muahaha!

Everything is finally going MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't been here forever.

I gave blood today.

Woo-hoo~

Woke up at 10. Yay!

I raaan. And I dont know why but my legs hurt!!! I am not sure if those are my muscles or even bones. I was like dying in the middle of my running, but I did it. And now I am home. Yay! So refreshing! I feel good! This day is totally for ME!.. ;)

I am babysitting tonight from 11 pm to like 2 am. 7 bucks an hour. I don't mind. He is going to be sleeping so that wouls be a blast. Heh. ;)

I have to clean the house. Gonna start at... 3 pm? As usual. SO I am off for a TV. Haven't watche dit forever. MTV.. here I come! ;))))

WHEN AM I GOING TO FIND OUT....................about................................IT IT IT =)))

No school for 4 days. MIRACLE? My life finally gets better. I love that bitch (life ;) !!!

Date Movie is coming out. Gotta see it...mmm.

I back hurts second day in a row.

No notice from a principle about senior project. WTF?

12 days till I find out.. mmm. Maybe earlier?

Wow.
Woke up ...BARELY.
I did the lab for bio. So it's cool. But all day I was DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. I need some looooooove!
Not a lot of homework, but still so annoying. I am probably going to go to bed now. Just sleep for a couple of hours. Will I be able to? In Calc I was almost falling dead while teacher was explaining. But the funny thing is, I remembered everything.

Coming home from school, I met a lady. Randomly. She offered me a job -- babysitting for her kid Ian. Mmm. I still need to call Hilton. They are ghetto. They did not even call me. It's been like 1.5 week since they said they would. I should call them and be like -- TAKE ME!!!!!!!!! Ehh.. not today.

Oh GOOOOD!

THIS SONG IS AMAZING:

DJ SAMMY -- CALIFORNIA DREAMING .... oh, right. bringing out some memories again.... mmmm.

Basically! IT SUCKED! ;)

Not in a bad way.

I just don't wanna write a lot.

I love Prodigy.

Ok. I fell asleep at like 3 AM. Woke up at 10.. barely. Had to go to work, man.
So bored...... At work I just did not do craaaaaaaaaap. Ohhhh.. kills me. I just chichatted with a girl from another store, at least she could keep me company. ;) At her store.. I bought myself cool sunglasses!!! ;)) I am ready for spring break. Well, actually I need to buy a bathing suit.

I need to do History and Bio.

Nothing else to say for today.

Hey!

Gooooooooodddddddddd dddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!

I was so happy today.
Yesteday I went to sleep at like 9-30 and I woke up at 9-00 ! Wow! I haven't gotten so much sleep since like last year, probably summer :)) Got the message from Anz.. he doesnt understand me. I wish he could. Cause, I really want him to. He asked me why I am not calling him... why should I? Everytime I call, he doesnt talk to me.. well, he does, but it's not a talk, it's like.. waste of time. I really would like to listen to him sometimes. He used to tell me stuff. Now it's like we don't have anything to talk about. Mmmm... maybe 6 months is a long time. Wow.. 6 months.
So, I went to work. Nothing special there. I left early. I just walked in the book store. I thought that I am going to buy something, but I thought it's just better to go to the library and get anything that you want to read. Like, I want to read "Da Vince Code" and "Million Little Pieces" /poor guy on Oprah ;)))/. Also I want to get some R.L. Stine and Steven King. I just love thrillers. I actually probably read all of the R.L. Stine novels. The teen novels.

Gosh.

C'est ma faaaute.. I am listening to KYO now. I love themmmmm!!! Also Mylene Farmer. I like her old songs. She is like the best french woman singer I know. Patricia Kaas is not that good. But I like Mylene's high voice. :) Good for practicing my francais. ;)

I got German and Italian cassettes for practicing, but they are so hard even though they are for the begginers. Maaan.. to say "goobye" in german is SO HARD. It's like 12-letter word. Why everything in that language is so complicated? But I like it anyway... Italian is awesome, too. But I did not start learning it yet.

Whew.

Well.. I am frustrated a little.
The day in school was fine. Nothing super, but Calculus quiz got cancelled. HELL YEAH! I was happy because yesterday I just didnt want to study for it. Like, I know the stuff and I thought I was gonna like study when I have study hall, instead I was sleeping there after I ate a bagel with cream cheese. Bagels put me to sleep!!! ;))))

Fuck no. I work again Sat, Sun. But the store is not closed yet. I wish they'll close it soon, because that would be a motivation for me to call Hilton Hotel to actually ask about my application there. Because now I am so lazy. They said they are going to call me on Monday but they didnt. WTF.

Crrrap. I have to clean the house today. But I won't cause my head kinda hurts and I am just tired. I have no life in me and right now I am going to go to sleep and dream about something .. good. Oh, I have so many bad dreams. I always have dreams about tsunami at least ONCE A WEEK. It's insane. The setting is always different, but there is always that HUGE WAVE. But I always seem to escape it. But I see people like drowning and stuff. I don't know wtf this is all about, but my mom said that it's probably like telling that my life is going to change soon when I go to college. I do not know, but it's freaking me out.
But lately, I had a dream about me flying over the fields of green grass and flowers. I was so happy! Mmm.. and like a remember that bright day light and the sun. It was so pretty and every time I remember that, I feel so goooooood! :)) Mmm.. I want more of dreams like that! YES! PLEASE...:)

Recently I had a dream about me having sex with the guy. I do not know who that guy was, but it was gross because I did not know him and I felt so guilty of losing my virginity. I just cried and the worst thing about was that I was thinking that after that no one will want me anymore.
Sex is fucked up! Haha! ;)
It is so not cool being a virgin now. A lot of guys just do not like it. Like a remember this one russian guy telling me that I am like a weirdo for being a virgin for so long. He is like, "well, normal people lose their virginity at like 15-16.. wtf is wrong with you?" I usually get really offended because I think virginity is an important trait for me. It's like something speacial that I have. But apperantely some people, escpecially guys don't like it. And it's just scary. Because I was thinking not a lot of guys like whores. No, I don't want to feel like a slave. I want to lose my virginity to someone that really cares about me, who won't hurt me in any way, who will appreciate that I don't do other guys.

Sex. Not important. Relationships... yeah. I mean, I forgive a lot of stuff to people, because I think I am going to complain about myself like being hurt, they'll think I am selfish.. but.. oh well. that was so random!!! ;)

"Ohne dich" is happening again. I hate to admit it, but even if I won't...I still miss him.

Well, suck it up, girl!!!!! ;)

I found my old poem. I didn't write it to ANYONE. I just wrote it. I like it.

I guess I heard you when you passed.
I guess I didn't care.
I guess I love you, and you are the last.
But I don't think life's fair.
You say you love me when I do,
You say it pretty often.
I want to give my life for you,
But will my feeling soften?
I want you now more than before,
Was that a rush, my darling,
To give me love that my heart is for?
But you were wrong in timing.
You should've waited, when you couldn't
You should've just held on.
Now get me waited when I shouldn't,
So I can't be alone.
I love you, sweet face, can't you see?
My heart is beating, drumming.
I send my love over the sea,
To keep your sweet heart running.
I can't forget that night before,
I guess it was the meaning,
Why you and I are here for -
And love is not deceiving.
To meet you here, to love you now ,
To beat your heart forever.
To be your girl, and anyhow
Not be your foe, not ever.

Ohhhh...

Yesterday I didnt go to bed 'til midnight. Well, me and mom and some other people went to "Bon Vie" for dinner. I'll tell you, it's the best french restaurant in Columbus. I love it! Only FRENCH there. Even the portions are so frenchie.. small and stuff. Unlike those american restaurants that give you like 10 pound portions that are literally to "die for."

I don't like iPOD people anymore. I gave them my iPOD to fix, cause it's skipping songs and crap like that. I tried to restore it, but the problem was still coming up. So, I gave them my thing for like testing and verifying the problem. And yesterday I come to pick it up and they did not fix it. Explanation? They said, I didn't tell them to fix it, I told them to FIND a problem. I'm like, "bon soir madame Genius".. why the heck I gave it to you then? So messed up. I gave it back to fix it. Morons. ;)

Well, again. I woke up at 6 AM. YES! I did it. But mainly because I had to do my World History homework. The presentation came out OK, I wanted something more from MYSELF though. It came out to be a little too ambiguous. Insane, man.

Nope. No notice yet.

I AM RUNNING TODAY. YAY! The weather is PERFECT. It's sunny, but chilly. Don't care. Still running at 5. I haven't run for a while now. I mean, probably 2 weeks. Ehhh.. not good. U need to start doing that, girl! ;)

... "не забывай его, поплачь.. но всё ж люби... не последняя ночь с валедолом в руках, ты пойми.. " ( (с) 9-ый район)

SPECIAL FOR ZWITTERIRA:

Ирусь, а ЛИНКИН ПАРК НЕ РАСПАЛИСЬ. Они сейчас над новым альбомом работают - FORT MINOR. :) У них тур этим летом будет.. :))) YAY! =)

Hmm...

With my admissions it's getting even more intense. Now my status is like "currently checking your application." That's so scary. I am probably going to end up in like rehab because of this waiting. I wait for what.. mmm.. 3 months. It's a long time I should say. My tolerance is already through. I cry like every night. Isn't that pathetic? I don't like this. I AM SO SCARED!!!

One hell of a day. Nothing interesting though. I just don't want to do homework, but I have to. I have a lot of stuff for history tomorrow, presentation and stuff. I'm just tired. If I would've known my admissions today I would've been so fired up so I would do like all the homework for the next two weeks. That's how I feel when I am so happy and when my dreams are coming true. Gooooooooood... I am sorry for anythign I've done in the past, but please help me on this one...

My head hurts.

Yeah. Great day. Great stuff.
School was a blast! Got a B- on my AP Calc QUIZ. YES!!! I am actually so happy. That means I've got to get like an A on my next quiz. That I will do. PROMISE!

My mom was like, "we need to buy you a coat" like a winter one. I was like, why bother, it's march soon, I won't need that. But we are still going to the store, because mom found out there is like a sale or something. Yeah, we gonna have a lot to buy, I am sure. When my mom goes to the store, it's a manicism. I mean, she can't just but ONE or even just THREE things, she has to buy A LOT. Even if the store is insanely expensive, she still buys a lot of it. Well, that's the one major thing I love about her. She just is not a snob, not towards anyone. She will give a present if SHE wants to. I am like her, I just give a lot of stuff just for no reason. I like to make people feel good. I think that's one of the reasons we are on that planet. Helping each other, taking care of each other is the major aspect of us living in some kind of harmony, which is so unpopular these day, yeah? So, we gotta stay together!!!

St. Valentine's Day is next week. Who the hell made this freakin day up? I mean.. ok, let's make a valentine for the one I love once a year. That's just love-racist. If you wanna give love and like say "I love you" why don't you just do it every day? Than maybe someone will love you!!!

Whee-hee!!! Good to go.

Everything's fine since that day. Everyone in the family seems awfully quiet. I still did not get my admission to SDSU yet. I am really worried, 'cuz of my bitch -- incomplete application. Man! That just sucks balls! If I would've freaking made my counselor add my art unit and did not forget to add AP Calculus (how did I forget man? bitch!!!), I would have been admitted already. Now I am like freaking out. Shoot!

School is fine I guess. Not much homework these days which is kind of weird. Second semester seems easier and more relaxing. I count 120 days to graduation. Whee-hee! I decided to do Senior Project, so I need to do my preliminary application which is due this Friday by 3-30 PM. I still have to write a letter to my uncle, explaining that I need to visit Cirque Du Soleil Headquaters and stuff. Crrrrap! ;) I guess I have a lot to do.

I thought I am gonna come home and sleep, but that did not happen. I am still kinda not in the mood for sleeping. I wish I had time to sleep this morning, but apperantely I have no luck with that these days. I do not wake up later than 7 on weekdays and later than 10 on weekends. My life is misarable! I need to get like 12 hour sleep! Well, we gonna have 4 day weekend soon, so I might as well just do that then. That's gonna be 17th of Febuary. Friday! Ohhh.. Can't wait! ;)

Maybe I should go to Prom. Should I? I mean.. I really want to get a cute dress!

Dresses as CACHE suck. And they are expansive as hell.

This is ADORABLE:



This is SIMPLE, but CUTE:



This is so ELEGANT:



That's the BEST COLOR:



SPARKLES WILL SAVE THE WORLD:



Wow.. a lot to choose from.

After picking me up, my mom was pissed as hell.
She called be little green shit. I was so fucking "touched." She was like, "you do not appreciate anything that we do for you. You are going to end up with no financial support when you go to college." Also she was talking about how I do not appreciate my step-dad. What the fuck? I so do! But why the hell do I have to SHOW my respect? I am talking fine with him. He is just like, "you know what, evey time I talk to you, you either talk through your teeth and look at me with that evil glance or you ignore me." I am like, hell no. Why is everything should be about fucking you? Thank you and everything. I have never said anything bad about you and you call me a bitch! Why the fuuuuuuck man! My mom said that if I won't tell him that I am sorry, she'll like never talk to me again and I'll end up ruining our relationships for a long time. So she was like, "I hope you won't fuck it up." Well, it's like 20 minutes after the talk. I am just not in the mood, man. I will say I am sorry, but probably not today. I am just so tired of them! I really need to get away from this house, town, state. I hope I will. But I still didn't get a notice from college. I am so fucking scared I won't be admitted. I have a chance, but what if I will be rejected? It means, OHIOOOOO here I come again. And of course life with my awesome parentals. So for now, I am just gonna fake it with them. I am really going to fake it. I will say I am sorry, but I won't mean it, because they just do not understand why I said what I did and why I think that way. Whatever, like my mom said " I am a worthless piece of shit..", I am like "thank you mom", she is like "you are so welcome.. you deserve it." How can I say I am sorry now? I did not tell things like that about my step dad. I have never even called him a moron or anything even "kiddy." OMG. What the fuck is happening man. I am so pissed. I just need to get away. Hopefully it is going to happen this summer. God, help me!!!